You know how feral straight women are for Heated Rivalry? Well, that’s how I’ve been feeling lately about Love Story: John F. Kennedy Jr. and Carolyn Bessette, the Ryan Murphy-produced FX retelling of JFK Jr. and CBK’s, uh, love story. What makes this show so addictive to me? Is it Sarah Pidgeon’s simply undeniable face card? Paul Anthony Kelly’s shockingly built frame and real-life slate of hot tattoos? Naomi Watts eating the notoriously challenging role of Jackie Kennedy up and leaving absolutely no crumbs? Some combo thereof?
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All I know is, I can’t stop watching Love Story and/or googling IRL Kennedy conspiracy theories, and now that we’ve reached the Kennedy-and-Bessette-public-fight episode this week, I don’t foresee my obsession abating. Below, find (literally) every thought I had about Season 1, Episode 5 of Love Story.
- Did they really title this episode “Battery Park”?
- Nobody involved in that decision is seeing heaven, I fear, but I kind of love it.
- Carolyn being locked in on her dog’s needs is very relatable to me.
- Is it…wise to have your elevator open directly into your loft if you’re this famous?
- Personally, I feel like I’d want a lock on my door.
- God, it wasn’t just JFK Jr.; all the men of New York were inexplicably wearing berets and Kangols in the mid-’90s.
- Poor Friday! I’m worried about him around all these reporters!
- God, I want long, shiny CBK hair so bad, but if I grow mine out even an inch past my shoulders I instantly look like I’ve just escaped from a cult.
- Ah, the relationship between a fashion girlie and her gays ❤️
- I want a Narciso subplot, bad.
- Uh, how fast did Carolyn and John get Friday together?!?
- I mean, my ex and I got a dog together after a month of cohabitation that we’re now co-parenting, so who am I to judge, I suppose.
- Not the “unhinged publicist” callout!
- God, can you imagine the days when a magazine had too many ad buys and not enough content?
- The ’90s really were a different time.
- Okay, sorry to be a pedant, but the term “beast mode” being used in the mid-’90s? Absolutely the fuck not.
- Aw, we love a nice little massage between fellas.
- Was it actually Carolyn’s idea to put Cindy Crawford on the cover of George?
- RING SPOTTED!
- “My family’s a lot” seems like sort of an understatement for a Kennedy, TBH.
- I actually appreciate that Love Story doesn’t show a lot of sex-adjacent scenes between John and Carolyn (out of respect, I assume?), but when they do, the chemistry between Pidgeon and Kelly is lowkey crazy.
- Ethel Kennedy is so my mother-coded for not letting couples sit together.
- Not the Michael Kennedy affair reference!!!!!!!!!
- So much for respect.
- The actress who plays Ethel’s delivery of “bourbon brioche bread pudding” is legit Emmy-worthy.
- Aw, love to see Carolyn queening out with some Kennedy girlies.
- Ethel making Carolyn take off her shawl…brutal.
- My God, if Ethel Kennedy randomly called on me at dinner to discuss my thoughts on geopolitical affairs, I would simply throw up.
- Like, the generational way that I would fumble this pop quiz would make Carolyn’s not-great response look brilliant.
- I’m kind of confused about why all the Kennedy women are so hard on Carolyn. Like, she’s a tall, blonde, Catholic girl who wears headbands! What more do you people want?
- Oh, if my boyfriend made me go meet his family in a series of humiliation rituals and didn’t even wake me up for coffee in the morning, I would go insane.
- See, this is lowkey why I haven’t bagged a handsome, rich boyfriend: I would never voluntarily do cartwheels with small children on a sun-dappled lawn where he could stumble by and gaze adoringly at me.
- Aw, this proposal scene is sweet.
- …If you actually want to become a Kennedy, which it doesn’t seem totally clear at this point Carolyn does.
- Can I be so for real? I hate the ring (even though it was Jackie’s).
- Good on her for making him wait for an answer! As social media sayeth, walk him like a dog.
- Maybe it’s the Daryl Hannah effect, but I could use a scene or two where Caroline Kennedy is portrayed as anything other than a major bummer.
- Okay, this moment with her stealing the chips was cute.
- Oop, Carolyn’s in her covert-ops headscarf and sunnies to meet up with her hot ex!
- “Too famous for Road Rules” is crazy.
- Now Carolyn, babe, why would you go to your ex for advice about marrying your current beau?
- I love how John is portrayed as just kind of…a simple-ass bro who loves TV.
- Aw, she’s wearing the ring!
- In private for now, but it’s a start.
- Wait, Calvin and Kelly are splitting?
- Did I miss that?
- “It’s never been my night.” Rough!
- Does John’s business partner do anything but crash out?
- “No-name girlfriend”? Bitch, watch your language when you’re talking about the American people’s princess!
- True love is lowkey sharing a cigarette together.
- Denying the proposal to the press? Nasty work!
- Pretending to be asleep when he gets home from his magazine launch…and so it begins.
- Time for the fight scene!
- If you ever put your hands on a woman for any reason, it’s time to die 🙂
- Say what you will, though, I do love a man who will sit on the curb and cry while his girlfriend screams at him.
- “I don’t ever want to get divorced.” Tearing up a bit!
- As is John, for that matter.
- Okay, I’m forgiving John for not waking Carolyn in Hyannis in time for breakfast, but he couldn’t have, like…hit up a Starbucks for her?
- Granted, I’m not really familiar with the to-go coffee options at the Kennedy compound.
- LOL at Carolyn melting down mid-cig as she realizes she actually does want to marry John after all.
- Okay, now it’s my turn to melt down, because Carolyn just used the phrase “I’m down” in the context of being willing to get married.
- IT IS THE ’90s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- ANACHRONISM CITY!
- Damn, what an ep.