You know how I claimed I’d evolved past the need to soak up the bummer-y, ever-present drama of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives? Well, it turns out that’s not quite true. In my defense, I’m going through a breakup and moving homes, and the only thing that’s soothed me as I get used to sleeping alone in a new apartment is the sweet sound of bronde-hair-extensioned Mormon momfluencers in their alarmingly early 20s fighting with each other about the most inane things possible.
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Luckily for me (and anyone else who can’t get enough MomTok mess), the show’s Season 3 reunion special is out now on Hulu. Below, find absolutely every thought I had about The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives cast reuniting.
- Hey, it’s Stassi!
- I’ve been watching this show for three seasons, and I’m still not good at matching the wives to their various unsettling husbands.
- The concept of Layla (oh, sweet Layla) looking “more like who you are” after a ton of plastic surgery is…nice, I guess?
- Oh, wow, we’re getting right into breastfeeding content.
- These men’s suits are giving me hives.
- Passive-aggressively calling another man “little guy” is as savage as it gets in the Mormon-bro world, I assume.
- Has Jen Affleck always looked this much like Haley from Modern Family?
- This at-home labor footage is making me furious about the ancient feminized pain of childbirth. Is that the intended effect?
- Did this child get named Lottie after Yellowjackets?
- Watching Jen cry is making me cry.
- You know what? I’m sure people are being snarky online about Jen being depressed upon learning she was pregnant with her daughter, but prenatal depression is, indeed, real and I think it’s cool of her to talk about it!
- “From breakups to makeups to a few massive shakeups…”
- Poetry by Stassi™.
- Obsessed with this Dunkin’ spon-con, TBH.
- Bro, why is Chase here?
- I always forget about Miranda, TBH.
- Mormon-friendly drinking game!
- And the secret word is: “Accountability”!
- I want to play this at my next queer anarchist meeting.
- Ooh, Whitney’s hair looks good.
- I love that the guys of DadTok are actually messier than the moms right now.
- The way that I am mentally swiping left on all these men…
- Granted, they probably wouldn’t be into me either!
- Layla going from brother to brother…iconic.
- Okay, talking about your marital intimacy issues on TV does seem wrenching.
- This is…upsetting, but good for these people for talking openly about their histories of sexual trauma!
- Listen, I went into this reunion expecting pure LOLs, but I’m genuinely moved, I fear.
- Okay, I don’t care about Marciano.
- Lie detector test?!?
- I forgot how messy Jen can be, TBH.
- Man, the bullying accusations are really flying.
- Stassi truly running this reunion like the navy!
- Oh, damn, who on earth is the guest they have to clear all the MomTok girlies for?
- “She saw you be flirty in the villa and so did all of us.” Never change, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.
- Stassi talking about “tensions between MomTok and DadTok” like it’s an armed standoff in a conflict zone is making me laugh out loud.
- Never trust a man with a cleft chin. Did we learn nothing from Gone Girl?
- I really do hate Dakota, TBH.
- DRAMA!
- “This is not giving happy holidays.” Too true.
- Wow, a DadTok man giving a sincere and accepted apology? We love to see it (specifically because we hardly ever do!)
- Oof, Taylor’s parents being here is so extra.
- “She’s my kid, and you hurt my grandbaby.” Crying again!
- Love Taylor’s dad laying down the realness.
- And that’s a wrap! Woof.