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Roula Khalaf, Editor of the FT, selects her favourite stories in this weekly newsletter.
Ahh, Christmas party season. That blur of sequins, sparkling wine and surprising dance moves; the time of year when the carefully curated image you have spent the other eleven-and-a-half months refining can be obliterated in seconds by an ill-judged comment or romantic advance. Party season gets into full swing this week for many of us. Are you not exhilarated?
Given the reputational risks — particularly for those who struggle to limit their consumption of free alcohol — perhaps it is more argh, party season. The perma-hangover, sleep deprivation and seasonal viruses combine with mince pies and nonstop Mariah Carey to leave many of us feeling decidedly sub-par by the time Christmas arrives. Or maybe it is just more bah (humbug), party season. A recent poll found that most British workers would rather swap the office festivities for extra cash.
So should we give up on the whole enterprise? Should we just accept the fact that times have changed? Nobody really wants to get drunk anymore, it seems, let alone with colleagues who we now only spend an average of a couple of days a week with.
Absolutely not — and not only because then we’d miss out on salacious gossip and HMRC’s “annual party” tax exemption (this is a real thing). No, the Christmas party is more than just a tax break; it is more, even, than a cultural institution. It is also one of the very few times during the year when we can properly connect with other people, be they colleagues, clients, contacts or crushes. We should not give that up lightly.
Because, despite the fact that so many of us are spending hours a day in each other’s virtual company, it’s not as if we are going about our daily lives feeling a sense of communion with one another — quite the opposite, in fact. In Gallup’s “state of the global workplace 2025” report, 22 per cent of employees reported feeling lonely for “a lot of” the previous day. According to a recent survey by the Office for National Statistics, one in four British adults reports feeling lonely “often or always” or “some of the time”.
And the most lonely? It’s not the old, who are more likely to be unable to go out and see people, but the young: 16- to 29-year-olds are the most lonely (40 per cent of them), followed by 30- to 49-year-olds. Younger people are also increasingly turning to artificial intelligence for emotional support: a poll by Common Sense Media in July found 72 per cent of US teens had used AI chatbots as “companions”. And while modest use might help alleviate feelings of loneliness, research suggests that heavy users are more likely to feel isolated.
The annual end-of-year bash is the perfect time to build some human connection — not just because of the way that booze can allow us to let our guard down (sometimes a little too far). This time of year carries a sense of winding down, as well as a focus on family, friends, love, the things that really matter. For some, that makes it a very special period; for others, the glaring lack of these things can make it acutely painful. But while a summer party might be all about “networking” (shudder) and showing off the more polished, sun-kissed versions of ourselves, the Christmas party brings a unique opportunity for bonding.
What that requires, though, is something that some of us are reluctant to show: vulnerability. Often we have been put off after experiencing what the social researcher and author Brené Brown has termed the “vulnerability hangover”: the regret, anxiety and shame we can feel after opening up to someone else and sharing our innermost fears, desires and difficulties.
But while it can feel profoundly uncomfortable to share our emotions, what you are doing by being vulnerable is making it possible for others to do the same. That is invaluable. Because vulnerability is not something that should give us the ick. Rather, as Brown argues in her 2012 book Daring Greatly, it is “the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity”. (Such words might also give you the ick, particularly if you are an emotionally repressed Brit, but that doesn’t stop them from being true.)
In a study of 1,000 US adults in Nature last month, researchers found that “the strength of a new emotional bond can be predicted by measures of the vulnerability that each of two persons shows with respect to one another”. In other words, if we don’t reveal ourselves, we cannot hope to truly connect with others — as Brown warns, protecting ourselves from being vulnerable is “a measure of our fear and disconnection”.
We need to get better at leaning into discomfort of all varieties, including the emotional type. Consider this party season high time to do so. If you’re not suffering from a vulnerability hangover, you might not be doing it right.